TELL ME I'M PRETTY
For those of you
who are not already aware of this, I recently stumbled upon this
mega-lame MySpace ranking website. The bulletins I've seen have
involved statements like "Vote for me for best blog" or "Vote for me
for best political cause." Yeah right, MySpace causes are sure to
revolutionize the bloody world! Get fucking real...you're on
MySpace, not writing for Media Matters, Raw Story, or even Daily Kos.
Anyway,
with some reluctancy (I don't really want to support this
bullshit...but it was just too amusing
to resist), I decided to enter myself
for best emerging model. Yes I am one fine lookin' reptile, as
I'm sure we can all agree. Well guys, it's
looking like your favorite interstellar sauropod is not going be the
next big supermodel. Probably for the best...there's not much
meat and too much plastic on most of my would be colleagues and most of
them seem fairly empty-headed, so they'd most likely get gobbled up at
a phenomenal rate.
Of course, maybe
the world would be better off without a few of these nice on the
outside, nasty on the inside individuals. Particularly the sorry
ass MySpacers who just want some kind of outside affirmation that they
are pretty. A message to you ass hats: If you really want
to be a model, get some damned head shots and call some bottom of the
barrel slime mold
sucking agent. Of
course I don't think that this is really about modeling. I think
that
it's more about needing to be told by strangers that you are good
looking. Okay, there may in fact be certain features that are universally
beautiful. However, you are what you are and no amount of swine
infesting bacteria excrement, lard
vacuuming, or bags
of saltwater is going to change that. Deal with what you've
got on the outside, and start thinking about giving the grey matter a
makeover...those synapses sure as hell could use a strenuous
workout.
Check out PUSS
N
BOOTS. Okay darlin', that's not a model name; it's a porn
star
name. Exactly what kind of modeling do you want to do?
Let's dig a little deeper...this little twat-for-brains is only 18
years old, and yet she is stuck back in the 80's. Babe, you were
born around 1988 – you don't know shit about the 80's! For those of you
who didn't live the 80's, allow me to let you in on a little somethin'
– the 80’s weren't that great. Sure we had Automan and the Safety
Dance, but it wasn't all as fun as that. Music no longer required
instruments,
men
wore makeup,
and the brat
pack plagued
the silver screen. The excessive party scene of the eighties
wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the god-awful music.
I'm talking hair metal – you know those guys
who wanted to be some kind of David Bowie-Black Sabbath hybrid
but just weren't quite as
talented as either Bowie or Sabbath – and all that synthesized
ear cancer.
We had the same excesses in the late 60's and 70's, but we could get
wasted to some rockin' tunes. The rampant consumerism of the 80's
was a little nauseating as well...and it seems to be growing
worse. Of course every decade's got its ups and downs, but I just
don't see leg
warmers
making it back onto mainstream fashion...
[Audio = Sensation
jazz - one-step (partial)
by The All Star Trio (Public
Domain)]
In fact if I ever
come across any of you wearing these ridiculous things, I will chomp
your dipshit, warm legged ass without thinking twice. If your
legs are cold, get some warmer pants douche bag! I had to live
through that stupid bullshit once, and I'm sure as hell not going to
fucking suffer through that crap again.
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