THE MYSPACE GESTAPO

This pus filled cock infection is certainly no friend of mine (look fast, you will be redirected to some stupid help page).  I was however contacted by this nut sack a little while ago.  Here is the message that I received:

Subject: WARNING: Please set you age correctly
Body: MySpace has special privacy and safety settings for users under the age of 18. We would like to remind you that you may not pretend to be older than 18 to get around these safety measures. We are providing you a two week amnesty period to accurately portray your age. Please take this time to update your profile and set it to your real age to avoid deletion. Thanks!

Well the problem with all of this is that I am 70 million years old.  MySpace does not provide an option for me to set this age.  What's a dino to do?  Sure, I've got a gang of hominid geeks helping me out with the Space Dinosaur experience, but the profile in question does not belong to any of them.  I can assure you however that not a single one of them has been under the age of 18 for many, many, many years.  In fact, I don't think that any of us really even knows anyone under the age of 18.  It would certainly be a little unsettling if any of us did, as none of us condone adults consorting with minors unless it is in an educational capacity.

I do, of course, understand MySpace's position on misrepresenting one's age.  Although I am a little disgusted by the idea of online dating, I am a relic of a time that is quickly disappearing.  Old school, real world swingers like myself appear to be going the way of...well...the Earthbound dinosaur (space dinosaurs are very much extant, very pissed off, and very hungry as you know all too well).  You kids will do whatever it is that you kids do, and it seems that online dating ranks among one of these activities.  So, I can imagine if I was chatting with some hottie who I thought was 21 and met up with her only to find out that she was in fact 16, I would be pretty freaked out.  That would suck enormous, mutant balls.  I also understand that the MySpace Gestapo is incapable of reviewing each of the millions of profiles that they host.  If this was possible I think that it would be fairly evident that no one involved in this little thought (or maybe lack of thought) experiment is under 18.  In my experience, young people aren't particularly articulate (although this is not always the case).

What really pisses me off however is that MySpace.com Contact's age is set to 106 years old.  Now this is just blatant hippocracy.  If I need to select the age of one of my computer monkeys for my own, then MySpace.com Contact should have to select the age of one of their computer monkeys for their own.  Furthermore, take a look at Earth's profile.  The Earth is approximately 4.55 billion years old.  Now the age of the Earth on this profile is set to 101 years old.  Clearly a profane misrepresentation of age.  That's billions of years younger than the true age of the Earth.  Should we not be just as concerned with the old folks out there pretending to be much younger than they actually are?  Of course I know that the Earth is a fine old gal and entered this age because it is the maximum age provided by MySpace, but I'm sure that there are plenty of freaks out there misrepresenting their age for shady reasons.  At any rate, I doubt that anyone would put down 100 years old in order to trick anyone into anything.  I would think that these assbags would use a more realistic age.


[Audio = Some Little Bug Is Going To Find You (partial) by Billy Murray (Public Domain)]

Although I am supremely irritated by this act of hippocracy, I did change my age to in some way more accurately represent my actual age (although, as I said before 70 million years old is not an option so it is impossible for me to set my exact age).  We'll see if this is good enough to placate the MySpace Gestapo.  If not, then I bid you all a fond farewell.  It's been a long strange trip, and those are usually the best kind.  I'll be hanging out over on my website, and hopefully I'll have some new adventures up in the not too distant future.  So, if you need a Space Dinosaur fix, you know where to find me.  If I'm still around after the end of the week, then you all had better watch your ass...

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