3D Dullard

This is my "friend" Mindy.  She's okay for the most part.  The only real beef that I have with this poor sap is that she keeps leaving me comments (click here and scroll down if you don't have a MySpace account - a wise move on your part) about some creatively flaccid and monotonous 3D chat-website (Hey, sounds a lot like MySpace with an extra dimension thrown in at no extra cost to you).  Let's run down the list of reasons why the assmonkeys running this crapfest think that we should all sign up today:

1.  Create your own avatar (over 100,000 catalog items) - I've created a full collection of images created without the use of someone else's concept of what is cool, and I'm pretty content with my super hot 2-D reptilian self.
2.  Create your own look - I don't get it.  How can you create your own look without designing anything yourself?  So, it's not really your look now is it?
3.  Decorate your own homepage - Done.  Plus I didn't have to work within the confines of some fascist pre-designed layout rife with piss poor JavaScript and predefined fields that have absolutely no relevance to me or my life (I already have a MySpace, and that's more than enough shartastic JavaScript and vomit inducing design constraints for me).
4.  Express yourself - Again, much like profiles on MySpace, none of what is displayed on any of the profiles that I've seen is original work.  At least some MySpace users have pictures of themselves or pictures that they've taken as their default profile pictures.  With this crazy service, you HAVE to use their collection of retarded little dolled up primate images as your picture.  This is not expressing yourself.  This is someone else expressing their self through you, and that someone else is pretty lame.  No nice reptiles or sea slugs or sarcopterygian fish to choose from.  How boring is that?
5.  3-D Chat Worlds - You live in a 3-D chat world.  Turn off the computer, get off your ass, and leave the house.  You will find it much easier to create your own look, express yourself, and carry on interesting and meaningful discussions offline.

Are Mindy and her gimpy 3-D chat friends alone in thinking that some prefab, hackneyed, postmodern webpage somehow equates to self-expression?  Absolutely not.  Google let's you choose homepage themes, and they're all pretty gay.  Yahoo! let's you create your own little fashion monkey image; equally gay.  I'm sure that there are a million more avenues by which you can accept someone else's clip-art-esque "designs" as an expression of yourself.  Watch while art and culture slide down the waste pipes, while homogenized, uninspired, dime store imagery gush forth through the spigot to replace it.  Good times.  Mindy, put the kettle on while you're waiting for me to submit to some graphic design school drop-out's vision of self expression...


[Audio = Molly Put The Kettle On (partial, compressed) by The Leake Country Revelers (Public Domain)]

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